A Royal Feast: a poem in jest

 A Royal Feast

a jest written for the coronation of King Andreas III and Queen Kallista III

by brother Valentine Garnett

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual rulers is purely coincidental. No royals were harmed in the writing of this poem.

 

We are crowning a King and Queen

In the Kingdom of Aethelmearc!

We are learning all about them,

Though things are looking stark.  

We are going to have a feast,

but like all the reigns before,

They enjoy a lot of foods,

But they dislike even more!

 

She likes dark chocolate,

He does not.

He likes Mountain Dew

She thinks it tastes like snot.

She likes the flavor of figs,

He’d rather eat suckling pigs.

He likes lots of spice,

She does not think that’s nice.

She likes peaches,

He likes plums.

He wants coffee,

SHE NEEDS TUMS!

Neither one likes beans,

Nor do they like greens.

They say no to potatoes,

Same goes for tomatoes.

And…

*chanted rhythmically a'la TikTok* Lambs, Rams, Hog Maws,

Beans, Greens, Potat’as, Tomat’as,

Chicken, Turkeys, Rabbit…

YOU NAME IT!

It is just as well, be it as it may.

Most of these veggies aren’t period anyway!

 

They don't like fish,

And they don't like onions

(none of them ever do).

With a list like this,

Feast's gonna be a fun one

(maybe I’ll boil a shoe?).

 

We are all out of ideas for this day.

I will get off my soapbox.

The cooks have gone home anyway,

I guess we'll just eat rocks!